so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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