it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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