How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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