i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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