I could have mohawked her pubes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
