ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize