he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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