I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
