remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
