I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
