From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
