you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
