you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
