After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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