sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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