what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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