Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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