I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
