This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
