Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
