She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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