Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sext me about skeletons
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize