Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
