You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize