oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
