i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize
