I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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