Where is the hickey?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
