i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize