I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
