Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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