very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
