is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize