Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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