wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
