what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
