his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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