He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
