I am puke
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
