Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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