I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
