If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
