i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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