I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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