The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
