If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
