Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
