This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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