She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
