Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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