I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
