We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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