I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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