i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
