Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
