uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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