The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
