i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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