In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
