Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
