Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This baby is an asshole
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
