I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
