when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
