i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
