I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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