the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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