you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
