I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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