I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at about main and main street
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
