All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
