Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
