in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
