so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
