shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
