i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
