i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
