If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
