Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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